With the latest rejection by some atheist bloggers of anything illiberal, activism has reached a new turning point. Atheism activism is now not just denying the belief in God or fighting for the separation of church and state, it’s also an adoption of certain values and policies that can only be good for women. If you are an atheist who holds any egalitarian or humanist positions, we have good news for you: you are automatically a feminist now, despite how you might self-identify and despite the fact that “feminist” means so many different things to so many people. It’s okay, you don’t have to understand it all now, you just have to trust it.

We’re marching into a new era where atheists can have a movement free of pesky libertarians or even conservatives. Those positions just aren’t all that compatible with not believing in gods. Atheism is about politics, and you should too.

Here’s a little bit more describing what we’re about:

  • Atheists plus we care about social justice,
  • Atheists plus we support women’s rights,
  • Atheists plus we protest racism,
  • Atheists plus we fight homophobia and transphobia,
  • Atheists plus we use critical thinking and skepticism.

If you already held those beliefs and joined other organizations to support these principles, but got tired of not being able to focus on all of them at the same time in the same place, you are in luck! Instead of talking about boring old counter-apologetics or the latest lawsuit by the FFRF, you can now spend your atheist meetings talking about whether pink toys are good for little girls.

The new feminist atheists are already standing up and demanding childcare for atheist mums. The bigger conferences are able to do so easily when backed by organizations like American Atheists and The Richard Dawkins Foundation, but the burden might be too much for some smaller groups, especially when their events are held in states where laws regarding minors are very strict. Insurance alone could be a very heavy financial burden.

In fact, a lot of things about the new atheism could put a financial burden on our groups. If we are going to fight social injustice, save the whales and change the world, we’re going to need a consistent cash flow. We aren’t just speaking out against religion anymore, we’re starting a whole new social movement where we adhere to certain principles of liberal philosophy that are the true result of atheism. It’s not enough anymore to just talk about it, we have to take action.

I’ve figured out a way to pay for all this, and I’d love your input, as long as in the end you agree with me about it (because it’s the right thing to do and you’re a racist, misogynistic homophobe if you don’t). Atheists should tithe.

Can you imagine what 10% of our incomes could do? Look at all the good that comes from Mormons tithing! They have their own food banks! Can  you imagine what that would do for the godless?

Now, it wouldn’t be a requirement or anything. Mormons don’t require tithing as you know. Tithing is just how you stay in good graces and get special perks like going to their most sacred temples and being looked up to in the local wards. We could have a tiered system in place for atheist conferences! The best speakers will be reserved for those who are up on their tithing. We’ll collect all the same data the church does: W2s, birth certificates, social security numbers, family history, etc. It’s all for the greater good! We’ll be unstoppable is all good atheists can just cough up a little dough!

I’m really excited about this! The sooner we get this started, the sooner we change the world. I’m willing to become the first treasurer for this movement! Please send checks payable to me.